some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
