I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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