You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
