Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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