I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
