IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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