A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
