Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
