Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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