I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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