dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nutella sex= disaster
no you cant smoke seaweed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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