I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize