You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
