Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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