He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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