I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
