Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
