I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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