You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My balls are so social today.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize