You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
