My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just pynch a tree in the face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
