It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
