if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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