Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize