Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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