hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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