So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
