Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
