I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
