I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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