hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
