I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
