She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize