Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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