Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize