I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
