can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
