would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
