she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
