You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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