Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
