Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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