i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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