worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
