Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
