My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
