omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
