After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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