onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
