My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
