im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
