I cannot find my penis.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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