We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
