All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did i walk over a car last night?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
