my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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