We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize