There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were trust falling into bushes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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