Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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