Me. At least after what I've been through.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
