dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
