You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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