I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
