thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
