I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize