Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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