her vagine was all disorganized.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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